"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure…”

“…and the intelligent are full of doubt." 

I’m not sure if I’ve talked about this before, but I hate change. Hate it. Even change for the better makes me super anxious and panicky.

My palms sweat, my heart rate increases, I obsess over tiny details and ruminate over decisions for long after I’ve made them.

I still debate whether leaving London was the right decision, and I’m constantly going back and forth over my current change. My logical brain says one thing, but the wiggly neurotic bits of my brain keep making me doubt myself.

“Sure you don’t like your current situation, but what if this change makes things worse?”

Advice tells you to write down what you’re anxious about, worst case scenario, and then assess whether it would really be so bad if that happened. You’re supposed to go: “The worst thing that can happen is I dislike my new job and have to get another!” and, because your worst case scenario isn’t so bad, your anxiety lessens.

But it isn’t so simple for me. Even if I come to a conclusion that the worst case scenario isn’t so bad, it still doesn’t stop my panic as the wiggly part of my brain doesn’t respond to logic. He just wants to tear me down, piece by piece.

I feel pressured. I feel as if I have too many things to do and decide and to finish and not enough time to do them. None of this is true – I have no things to do or finish, very few things to decide, and plenty of time in which to make those decisions.

I wish there was a magical solution to calm my brain, or silence the wiggly part of it.

Therapy, I guess.

*Quote from Bertrand Russell

"Remember when your mom used to drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a spoon?”

“You're so pretty.”

Do you know what you are, other than Philly Fans?
You are Jam Fans (other than those of you who might dislike jam, obviously).

I mentioned recently my bizarre and impulsive burning desire to make jam. Well I have acted upon that desire and am now a fully-fledged member of the jam-making club. If there isn’t a club there should be. 

I began with strawberry jam but, as I used fresh strawberries, it was rather a pricey endeavour (particularly as my first batch of strawberries went mouldy in 2 days, grr). Also I didn’t realise that strawberry jam is notoriously difficult to set, so mine is kinda sloppy (though it tastes fantastic!).

For my second batch of jam I used frozen berries - blackberries, redcurrants, raspberries and blackcurrants.

This has set superbly and (from my sneaky taste tests) is another winner on the flavour front.

I want to make another batch to be honest, but I think that would be more jam than can be reasonably stored and eaten!

*Quote from F.R.I.E.N.D.S

“Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well...”

“…I'll most likely kill you in the morning.” 

As expected, here is the other half of my special commission:

I think I forgot to mention in my last post - this pattern is Wedding Mice by Amanda Berry (Ravelry link here). Although I hate making fiddly little things Amanda Berry's patterns are very comprehensive - they walk you through line by line and include lots of pictures for reference. Unfortunately even with the best pattern I still have to rely on my wobbly finishing skills...

I still can’t look at either of them without seeing a million bits I dislike, but I have to bear in mind that people at the wedding will just look and go “aww isn’t that cute!” and then help themselves to food. No one will be looking as critically at these critters as I will.

Another annoying thing is that I’m pretty sure the real, human groom is wearing a blue suit and a green tie on the day, but I don’t have any wool that will work and I refuse to buy two new balls for such a tiny project which will be in use for just a few hours.

I love my friend, but I don’t love this project!

*Quote from William Goldman

"Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart…”

“…it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude." 

Recently there was a topic on Ravelry which asked who the most knitworthy person in your life was. For those not in the know, a knitworthy person is someone who appreciates the work and time and love that goes into a knitted item and wears/uses said item with love and pride.

Not everyone is knitworthy, sadly. Some people view handmade items as tat, and would much prefer something shop-bought. That’s fine, everyone is entitled to their own preference, but it’s good to know these things so you don’t spend hours on something you think of as extra special but they think is a bit rubbish. Feelings get hurt that way – both sides in fact, as the knitter feels their work is undervalued, and the non-knitter feels they’re being given half-arsed presents.

The  most knitworthy person in my life is CB. He is an absolute star.

The first thing I knit was a scarf for him. It was lumpy, uneven, and had numerous holes and mistakes. I can’t look at it without cringing, but he dutifully wore it all winter and only retired it once I had knitted him a replacement. He’s still wearing the hat I made him, despite the enormous seam up the back!

He encourages me, he supports me, he listens to me babble on about problems or patterns. He dismisses any shame I might feel for spending money on yarn and knitting paraphernalia, and he proudly sits next me at social events where I’m sitting there knitting like an old lady.

But despite being my knight in knitted armour, I rarely knit for him. Other than those two scarves and one hat, all he’s received are promises of future knits.

I have the wool all ready for a pair of socks and a jumper, but people keep having babies or weddings etc., and I bump CB to the bottom of the list.

To be fair to me, it’s because those projects are time-sensitive whereas his projects aren’t, but the result is still the same. I’m neglecting my most knitworthy person.

I’ve decided to rectify this and have started knitting him some socks. These will have to be done at the same time as other knitting, but at least he’s being prioritised as much as anyone else.

*Quote from A.A. Milne

“Inconceivable!"

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” 

I mentioned a little while ago that I had been tasked with a very special commission. Well, I’m now half-way through that project and thought I’d let you in on the secret:

My beautiful friend is getting married soon and asked if I could make her some knitted mice to top a cheese cake being served (not the main wedding cake! Do not fear Philly-fans!).

Now we know I am not the best at the finishing touches on projects (remember Griff?) and you may have noticed that this is ALL ABOUT the tiny fiddly details and finishing touches.

But I think she looks okay!

Now on to the Groom…

*Quote from William Goldman

"Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.”

“…Don't let the bastards grind you down."

I finally finished my Peloponnese cardigan.

The pattern is by Sandi Rosner (Ravelry link here).

The wool I used is Paintbox Yarns Baby DK. I wouldn’t recommend it for a project like this as it’s not got great definition, but it’s blocked up nice and soft so I have fewer complaints than I thought I would.

I picked up more stitches for the edging than the pattern directed (as I normally end up with puckering if I stick to what the pattern says) but that has meant I have a slight ruffling effect. Not great but I don’t think you notice when you’re wearing it.

I also didn’t put buttons on it. I bought buttons, lovely tiny shiny ones, but I couldn’t face trying to line them all up on the riffly-ruffly bands. Plus I knew I would never button it up while wearing it. If it does stretch enough that I’d want to button it, I can always add them on later as the button holes are there.

One point of sadness – the first day I wore it out, no one mentioned it. I know that’s very immature of me – if I want to talk about it I should just raise the subject myself – but I can’t help it. I promise I’m not fishing for compliments, it’s just I only work with a small team who see me wear the same things over and over and who know I knit.

I think I just have a bit of a chip on my shoulder about my place here. I don’t feel like I fit in or that I’m ‘one of the team’ in the same way everyone else is, and the fact that no one notices or cares about me wearing what is obviously a handknit jumper…well it just confirms the apathy with which they view me!

Luckily I have got a new job (as has CB) so it will only be for a few months more. Then Peloponnese and I will show off to a whole other office (who will hopefully giver her the recognition she deserves!).

*Quote from Margaret Atwood

“The sun, -the bright sun, that brings back, not light alone, but new life, and hope, and freshness to man-”

“…burst upon the crowded city in clear and radiant glory.”

Oh my god, it’s been sunny lately. I had kissed goodbye to any hopes of warm weather ever arriving, thinking perhaps this was the price to be paid when living Oop North, but I was wrong – it is here!
So what do you do to celebrate? BBQ, obvs.

But also, you sit in the sunshine knitting a jumper.

Yeah, I got pretty sweaty. But you’ll notice the strong progress on Peloponnese – and I’m further along than that photo shows too! Squee!

I’ve also set myself a challenge of baking my way through Mary Berry’s Baking Bible. It’s not a new idea, it’s been done successfully by others, but that doesn’t make it a less worthwhile ambition. It doesn’t make it any easier though either…

I’ve already made a few things, so I went through and ticked off previous bakes (shout out to the old faithful Fork Biscuits!) and have tried a couple of new things.

Gingerbread (which was lovely and only improved throughout the week!)

Eccles cakes (which were lovely but I had too much pastry on the bottom so it didn’t cook through properly. Good laminations though.)

Uncooked

Cooked!

I’ve also made some chocolate chip cookies and some cheesy biscuits, but for whatever reason I didn’t photograph them.

Next up I really want to make jam. It’s not in the Baking Bible, but I just have this craving to make it…

So will next week be a FO or pictures of jam?
Watch this space…


*Quote from Charles Dickens