"'Cause I'm as free as a bird now..."

"...and this bird you cannot change."

My life is soon to take a bit of a turn. Recently I was offered a job, similar to the post I currently hold but at a faster paced and more innovative Local Authority. And I jumped.

Now I'm suffering the fallout of leaving my current job. Some people know and are happy for me, some are unaware which makes me feel like a traitor and a liar, and some know and are setting out to make the move as difficult as possible.

Every time I get upset I think, "go to the mattresses" - it's not personal, it's business. It's not personal, it's business. And if I had enjoyed my current post more then I wouldn't be leaving. Nothing people do or say now can change the dissatisfaction I've been dealing with for the past 18 months.

Every time I feel unsure whether I'm making the right choice I think, "Free Bird" - I can't let the fear of something new keep me down, I'd rather try and fail than never try at all.

Even though it's only a new job, I'm using it to spring clean my life. I've signed my contract to live in London for another year, I've cut my hair to my shoulders and I'm currently gutting my possessions. Everyone I know seems to be moving forward in their lives - with partners, careers, commitment, property... It's time to stop dreaming of what I want to be when I grow up, and realise that I've done all my growing. I'm 25, I am what I am, and I need to take control over my life and the world around me.

Throughout my career I've been plagued by people looking down at me and assuming I didn't know what I was doing. Maybe that owed a little to my age, or to my gender, but I believe that people will take you as they see you. If I feel confident and in control, others won't doubt me.

Tune in next time for my mental breakdown...?



* Quote from Lynyrd Skynyrd