It's only been a week, but I am officially A Gym User.
I go, I pick things up, sweat a bit and put them down. I walk on a machine, then run on the machine, and finish by sitting next to the machine with my head between my knees trying not to be sick. Truly I am living the dream.
But despite these obviously uplifting experiences, I seem to suffer from a lack of motivation - if I don't trot myself off to the gym first thing in the morning I will just put it off all day and have a little cloud of guilt hanging over me. I think I might be more inspired to go if I listened to the Pumping Iron soundtrack every meal time. I could wake up to it, enjoy my post-lunch cup of tea to its funky tones, and play it in the kitchen while I prepare my dinner. Pull some poses, you know? Strut my muscular stuff (NB I do not have muscular stuff to strut) And even though I fear this might trigger me talking like Arnie for a large portion of the day, perhaps it would be worth it.
Or maybe I should start my own gym, purely based on the fantastic feeling of The Pump. Hey, if it works for
So we could place a larger than life sized gold plated statue of Mr. S in the centre -- ooh ooh! which could double up as a water dispenser! A new motivational quote would be championed each day ("Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer") and everyone would work towards achieving The Pump. We could put little speakers in all the weight machines and when you reach a certain level of "pump" (yet to be established) the twangs of Pumping Iron could filter their way into the individual's sweaty brain and they would know they had made 70's Arnie proud. And let's face it, who wouldn't want that? Is there any greater satisfaction? Well, actually, maybe the orgasm-like 'pump' we have been striving to achieve...
In any case, I need to stop muttering "if it jiggles it's fat" at fellow gym members.
* Quotes from Arnold Schwarzenegger
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